


You need to calm down

by maritbarelds



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, College AU, F/F, also i'm in college and in need of a gf, gonna be fluffy def, have patience, maybe smut but im uncomfy, slowburn bc that's how i write, they din't give us jemily so i wrote it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29886573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maritbarelds/pseuds/maritbarelds
Summary: if jemily met in college and Emily is JJ's bi awakening
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers  
> \- I am Dutch! English is my second language so I'm sorry for mistakes + I don’t go to US college so this takes place at a fictional college that I imagine US college is like  
> \- I have written fanfic and other things but never for cm  
> \- I think I wanna write smut but I’ve never done that so we’ll see how that turns out  
> \- Updates may come slow. I’m a full-time student and uni has been kicking my ass recently

First semester of my sophomore year has been going on for a month now. After months of summer vacation I was happy going back. It’s not usual for a student to say she’s happy going back to multiple papers, a ton of reading and midterm stress, but then again, my summers aren’t usual either. In stead of relaxing like a normal student, I had to attend multiple conferences, fundraisers and gala’s and act like the Ambassadors perfect daughter. It was tiring. I didn’t get a moment of rest, always having to sit up straight, shake everyone’s hands, use the right cutlery and dress up like a doll. Going back to college meant that I got my own space back and a maximum of three calls from Mother: on my birthday, on Thanksgiving and on Christmas. The call on Christmas only comes when she can’t make it back to the United States on time. During my time on campus I can eat whatever I want, I don’t have to constantly care about my posture and I don’t have an adult watching over me at any given time. In my dorm room I could be me and I could finally relax again. I can finally meet up with peers who look further than my last name. This last month has been busy, but I’d take twenty assignment over one gala any time. 

The evening has been quiet. I sat at my desk working on some assignment for my Criminal Law class. I looked out my window. I had view of our sports field and saw there was a soccer game happening. I got distracted by it for a while. I recognized our school’s colors and saw the girls had the ball close to the goal. A girl with bright red hair passed the ball to a blonde girl and she scored. The sounds coming from the field was deafening. The crowd roared and the girls on the field huddled together. After the sound had died down, I went back to work on my assignment. To minimize distraction I put on headphones and played music. I lost track of time and the next time I looked up, the field was empty as well as the bleachers. I finished the assignment and decided I was done with studying for the day. I laid in bed as I heard noise from outside my door and it was getting louder and louder. It sounded like chanting. As the noise got closer, I realized the chanting was probably for the soccer game I saw for a little bit. The noises kept getting louder until they were definitely right outside my door in the hallway. At some point I heard a girl yell ‘all hail the queen!’. I decided to get up and stick my head out the door to see the commotion for myself. That was when I saw that the girls were carrying the blonde that scored above their heads like she was crowd surfing at a concert. The image looked hilarious and made me laugh. I went back in my room and the noise soon died down. I was sure the girls were gonna celebrate more tonight and make more noise. To prepare myself I put on my own music trough my speaker and quite loudly may I add. Every once in a while I did that and I never got complaints. Loud music just fills my brain up to a certain capacity so I’m not left alone with my thoughts. I hadn’t noticed how much time had passed and around nine pm I heard a knock on my door. I lowered the volume of my music and opened my door only to see the blonde girl, hero of the soccer team, standing in front of me.

‘Hey, I’m sorry to bother you but can you maybe dial down the music? I’m turning in early after a very busy day or more of a busy week.’ She sounded hesitant as if she wasn’t sure how to approach this and looked at me with pleading blue eyes. Out there on the field the only feature that I could see was her blonde hair and even when the girls were carrying her in the air I couldn’t see more of her than the blonde locks. Now that she was right in front of me I could see her soft face with clear blue eyes. Her athletic build was partially covered by an oversized sweater but her strong legs showed due to the shorts she was wearing. Honestly, I was mesmerized. 

‘Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize. Of course, I’ll keep it down. I thought you and the team were gonna go celebrate the win. Everyone seemed pretty hype after the game.’ I admitted. 

‘Some of the girls went to a frat party’ she said, ‘but I didn’t feel like going. I have early classes.’ 

‘I see, makes sense. I saw your goal, it seemed pretty intense. I don’t think I ever heard a crowd so loud over a college game.’ I said and she averted her eyes from me as if her feet all of a sudden became more interesting.

‘Yeah, it basically means we’re the number one team in the state again. We lost from that team at their home game last week and they overtook us on the board, but now we’re back at number one.’ She flashed a quick smile. I’d do anything to see that smile again.

‘So, what class tortures you that it starts so early on a Monday morning?’ I asked out of curiosity. Maybe we had a few classes in common.

‘I’m an English major and Monday mornings are for Language and Linguistics 101.' Nevermind having classes in common. ‘What do you major in?’

‘I study Criminology and luckily my professors understand that Monday mornings are for sleeping in. I don’t have class until one pm.’

‘Lucky you, I know a girl in Criminology and she hasn’t had a single 9 am class.’ I saw her eyes divert into my room and I felt a bit exposed. ‘Where’s your roommate? Sunday isn’t a normal day to be out this is late, except if you just won a soccer game’ For the second time she flashed a quick smile at me.

‘Oh, I don't have a roommate. I guess I got lucky when they divided the rooms.’ The reason why I didn’t have a roommate was because of my mother. She called the university in my freshman year and made sure I had my own room. She didn’t want me sharing with ‘some middle-class country girl or worse, a lower-class scholarship rider’. Her words made me cringe but I never opposed because I liked the idea of having my own room. A roommate can be fun, but there’s always a chance you’re gonna get roomed up with someone you can absolutely not get along with. Not wanting to explain how my mother was involved in this and exposing my last name, I chose to lie to her. A white lie for now. I just want her to see me as a normal student for a little while longer. The blonde looked at me with a quizzical look. I don’t know if she believed me.

‘Well, I’m going to bed and catch up on some sleep. If you ever need anything, I’m across the hall, two doors to your right. Goodnight, um…’

‘Emily. Goodnight to you as well…’

‘Jennifer, but everyone calls me JJ.’ I liked that, it fits her.

‘I hope I’ll see you around.’ I smiled at her as I closed the door. I really hope I’m going to run into her again. I hopped on my bed with a smile plastered on my face. I knew I had to see her again so for the rest of the night I started thinking of excuses to knock on her door. Maybe I could even annoy her into giving me her number. With her on my mind, I eventually fell asleep.

I was lucky I didn’t have class until one pm. After I started daydreaming about my encounter with JJ, I forgot to set any sort of alarm. I woke up from the sun shining brightly in my room. I apparently also forgot to close my curtains. I looked at my alarm and shot up when I saw that it was ten am. I missed breakfast and I also still needed to prepare todays class. I hurriedly got ready for the day. I walked outside of the campus to go to a cafe where I got coffee and muffin that would suffice for breakfast. Sitting down, I pulled out my laptop to have a last look at the material for todays class. I looked at my phone to see a message from a friend who studies Law Enforcement. Aaron or ‘Hotch’ asked about my whereabouts and if I could meet up before class. I texted back with my location. My phone was low on battery so I hooked my phone up to a charger. After a while I saw Hotch enter the cafe and I waved at him.

‘Aaron, here!’ He saw where I was sitting and approached me. 

‘You’re going over this class’ material? It sucked, I didn’t understand half of it.’

‘Tell me about it.’ I sighed. ‘Hopefully the lecture will shed some light on it.’ 

For the rest of the time before class we mostly sat in silence, trying to do some last minute reading. Every once in a while we conversed over the material and the professor who gave the class. She was a hard-ass, but she’s good at explaining so we don’t complain about her really. We got multiple cups of coffee in the cafe and before class we ordered lunch. When time came around, we walked back to campus to the right faculty. Class wasn’t interesting. I made notes on my laptop and when the prof asked questions I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut. There are always some kids who think they have the right answer and they always end up getting practically roasted by the professor. For me it was amusement to say the least, but I’m not going to put myself in that position voluntarily. After class I went to the library to study. I hasn’t been that of an exciting day. I saw some familiar faces in the library but not the face I wanted to see. I kept thinking of excuses to knock on her door, but all of them sounded stupid in my head. Why on earth would I go over there to ask if I could like borrow a pen? I made it all way more complicated in my head than it actually was. When time for dinner came around I made my way to the cafeteria. For the time being I sat with Hotch and a few of his pretentious law friends, but it was better than sitting alone.

As soon as I was done, I made my way back to my dorm to avoid more conversations with those guys. I looked out of my window and saw the sports field was once again occupied by the soccer team for a training. I guess their coach doesn’t let them rest for a minute. I saw her again. She was shouting at the girls on the field, moving along the sideline but never actually entering the field. She was the only one with a bright neon yellow band around her arm. I put two and two together and realized she was captain. That meant that they had made a freshman captain of the team. I don’t know much about sports, let alone college level sports, but I knew that that was extraordinary. I kept staring at everything happening on the field. There was something about her competitively yelling at her teammates that was so _hot_. In that moment I definitely knew I was attracted to her. Another reason why my mother didn’t want me to have a roommate. She knew I was gay and wanted me to focus on schoolwork instead of girls. I kept looking until the girls walked off the field. Now I really wanted to knock on her door tonight. I went back to contemplating about my excuse to knock on her door. Meanwhile I emptied my bag from the books I needed today. I noticed my charger was missing. I must’ve left it in de cafe. Suddenly, I had the perfect plan. I’d just ask for a charger and then I’ll talk to her for a while. I looked at my phone and saw it still had enough percentage, so I decided to leave my phone in my dorm when I went over there. I knew I couldn’t go over there immediately, because she probably needed time to get back and shower. To kill the time I went over my schedule for tomorrow to see if I have to prepare anything for any of my classes. To my delight, I finished everything I needed for tomorrow today in the library. So instead I went over some old notes, until I heard talking in the hallway.

‘Training was good today, Liv, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘You were good today, cap.’ _Cap_ in combination with the voice I recognized. That was her and probably one of her teammates. I quickly finished looking over my notes and closing all of my tabs, excited to put my plan into work. To not seem like a total creep, I packed some necessities for tomorrows classes and laid out an outfit to fill a few minutes of the time. I finally decided to make my way over there. I hesitated to knock on her door for a few seconds, thinking of the million ways I could embarrass myself. I built up enough courage to knock. It didn’t take long until the door swung open.

‘Oh, Emily, what are you doing here?’ She looked surprised to see me, which makes sense since we barely know each other.

‘I took you up on that offer that if I needed anything I could come over here. Well, um, I lost my charger today so I hoped I could borrow one from you.’ I nervously scratched a part of my arm with my other hand.

‘Yeah, sure, I’ll get one.’ She turned around to search for one.

‘You know, I have a great view over the sports field from my dorm. You already made captain? That’s impressive.’ I decided it wasn’t wrong to flirt a bit. Besides if you give a girl a compliment as a girl, they usually think you’re just being nice and a good friend, so I could get away with it.

She laughed a little. ‘Yeah, well, it’s not official yet. I have to proof myself this week and this weeks game is gonna be the game changer for coach whether I could handle the position after a month with this team. Here’s a charger.’ She turned around again and handed me the charger.

‘Thanks, and I’m sure you’ll do fine. At least from what I saw you looked _fine_ as the captain.’ That definitely had a double meaning to it.

‘You see, that’s what I keep telling her.’ I was so focussed on JJ that I never noticed another girl, her roommate, in the room. ‘I’m Penelope by the way and you are probably the Emily JJ gushed about yesterday.’ I laughed at her remark, but my stomach made a turn. _She talked about me?_

‘Pen,’ came a slightly whiney voice from JJ ‘it’s not nice telling people you talked about them.’ She turned her head to me. ‘I’m sorry, I promise I only said good things.’ 

I laughed. ‘You better! Well, thanks for the charger. I’ll give it back as soon as I get my own back.’ I smiled and for a few seconds there was a silence. ‘Hey, if you tell me when the important game is I can come and cheer you on.’ I suggested. Sports definitely weren’t my thing but I’d make an exception for her.

‘It’s Friday around eight pm. After the game we’re all gonna go to some frat party and maybe you could join for that.’ I was surprised she asked me to tag along, but I’ll never say no to a good party.  
‘I would love that. See you on Friday then.’ She smiled as she closed the door and immediately I couldn’t wait until Friday.

The week couldn’t go any slower. My excitement for the end of the week meant that time started to slow down. I found myself getting more nervous as the days progressed. Suddenly everything in my closet didn’t seem good enough and every form of accessories seemed to be too much. I returned the charger after I got mine back from the cafe. I didn’t use it at all, but that’s not for her to know. When I knocked on her door, her roommate opened and told me she had class. I was disappointed to say the least, but I get to see her on Friday again. After a week’s worth of boring classes, I woke up feeling ecstatic on Friday. I felt like I had a smile plastered on my face the entire day. Today I had another class with Hotch and he immediately noticed my changed mood.

‘What’s with you today?’ He said. ‘I know you hate everything about all law-related classes so there’s another reason for that smile.’

‘I’m going to the soccer game tonight.’ I didn’t look at him, I just smiled.

‘You? Soccer? That’s what making you happy?’ I heard the confusion in his voice. Suddenly I felt a hand on my forehead. ‘Are you feeling alright?’ I smacked his arm away.

‘Yes, I’m definitely feeling alright. We’re going to a party after the game.’ I could see it still wasn’t making sense to him.

‘We? As in, you have friends who’re a part of the soccer team?’ I really enjoyed messing with him.

‘Exactly.’ The presentation started and the professor started talking, so I stopped talking and focussed my attention on the lecture, feeling accomplished for confusing my friend so much. When class ended I didn’t give Hotch a chance to ask me more question, I just made my way out of the lecture hall. Once outside, I lit up a cigarette. At first I just started it to get on Mother’s nerves, but after a while it became a light addiction. It helped me clear my mind, perfect for after long lectures. 

‘Hey, Emily!’ I heard a familiar voice. I turned to where the sound came from and saw her walking towards me.

‘JJ!” I waved. She was still a few feet away and walked towards me. Every time I’ve seen her so far was always after training, her being in comfortable clothing, which makes sense, but seeing her in more regular clothes was a treat. Just jeans and a graphic tee, but she looked amazing. 

‘Fancy seeing you here. I didn’t know you smoked?’ I hope she wasn’t disgusted by it, but provided her reaction I don’t think she minded it really. 

‘Every once in a while, not like a pack in a day. So, excited for tonight?’

‘More nervous than excited.’ She laughed slightly nervously. ‘But this week’s trainings went well, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. You still coming?’

‘Oh, definitely, I wouldn’t wanna miss your most important game. And I’m sure you’ll do great.’

‘Thanks, well, I have to go to my next class, so I’ll see you tonight then.’

‘See you tonight.’ And she walked off. For a couple of seconds I kept staring.

‘Now I get it.’ I heard a familiar voice from behind me. ‘Someone’s caught a love bug.’  
‘Shut up, Hotch, you saw nothing. And besides, I’ve only talked to her like three times and I don’t even have her number yet.’ I took a last drag from my cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stomping it with my foot. 

‘Let’s hope you get lucky tonight then.’ He made his way to another class. ‘And you tell me what happened Monday!’ He yelled at me from a slight distance as he walked further away. His comment made me roll my eyes. Nothing’s going to happen, I kept telling myself. We barely know each other, like I don’t even know if she’s into girls. I went back inside. Classes we’re done for today, but I still had some reading to get caught up on, so I moved to the library. For the most of the day, my time was spent there until it was time for dinner and after that I had to get ready for the evening. The October weather wasn’t the nicest weather to spend an evening outside sitting on the bleacher, but at least it wasn’t raining, so I made sure to dress warm and bring a warmer coat than usual. JJ told me that the game started at eight pm, so around a quarter to eight, I made my way to the field. Once I made my way over to the bleachers, it wasn’t hard to spot her roommate, Penelope I believe her name was. She stood out in the crowd thanks to the bright colors she was wearing. She saw me and I made my way over to her, shuffling through the crowd. We greeted each other and she immediately offered me a bottle of water. I gladly accepted, given I never thought about bringing something to drink along for myself. We started talking about the upcoming game.

‘I don’t know much about sports, but I’ve spent enough time in Europe to know enough about soccer. I swear, it’s like the most important sport ever there.’ I said nonchalantly. I usually get some weird looks when I say I’ve spent a lot of time in Europe, but Penelope didn’t seem surprised at that. I didn’t look too much into it. It just meant I didn’t have to explain my background, or worse, lie to her to her face. 

‘I hope we’re gonna win. Jayje really deserves that spot as captain.’ _Jayje_ that made me smile. Her nickname turned into a nickname.

‘I hope so too. She seemed really nervous this afternoon. Either way we have something to celebrate or we can drink our sorrow away.’ I really looked forward to the party afterwards. I’d like to get to know tipsy JJ and later maybe even drunk JJ. We soon heard a whistle coming from the referee which indicated the game had started. Not a lot happened in the first half. A couple of advances were made, coming from both teams but every time the ball was either too far away from the goal or the goalie had stopped the ball from entering the goal. It was frustrating to say the least. As the minutes went by, I got more and more competitive. At the end of the first half the opposite team scored and I let out a string of profanities. The usually bubbly girl beside me turned quiet and I could hear her cursing under her breath. The referee whistled for the end of the first half. The opposite team cheered each other on and some hugged each other, whilst our team huddled together and made their way over to the coach. I can only assume they talked about tactics along the sideline. Being so caught up in the game, I completely forgot to hydrate so gulped the bottle down.

‘They need at least two goals. That’s not so bad right? They can still do it.’ I heard Penelope say beside me.

‘Totally, that’s doable. They just have to forget about their nerves, especially JJ. The nerves are distracting her.’ Noises of agreement came from beside me. After the fifteen minute break, we heard the whistle from the referee again. The game had started again and the teams switched halves on the field. I could tell the opposite team were losing their focus after the success from the first half. Our team took advantage of that. Not too long after that, a girl with red hair scored for our team. The roars from the crowd were insane. I’ve never heard so much noise over a college level game and the goal and the enthusiasm from the crowd gave me a rush of adrenaline. I yelled along with everyone else. For a second, I got what the fuss what about over sports games. Soon, everyone calmed down and the game continued. The opposite team got sharper, but also turned more aggressive. Luckily, the referee caught on and handed out a couple of yellow cards. Just a warning, but it was enough to calm them down for now. Our team made a couple of great advances towards the goal, but their goalie was good and managed to stop all of them up until this point. After their fifth try, I felt the nerves coursing through my body. I felt like a new and different person. A sports-fan who got riled up over small games and minimal losses instead of the girl who always managed to skip PE and was never interested in any form of sport.

Around the end of the game, the referee called for three extra minutes for lost time during the game. They were still one to one. All of a sudden I saw the red-haired girl that scored last run past most of the opposite’s team defense. A few feet before the goal she passed the ball to JJ, which the goalie didn’t expect. She had a free goal now and shot the ball towards it. It landed in the corner of the goal and once again the crowd roared. Almost everyone stood up from their seats and the sounds coming from the crowd were overwhelming. I don’t know if the team even noticed, because they were having a party of their own, already feeling secure about their victory. After about a minute, or so, of victory everyone got back to their places on the field. The game continued for the last few minutes, but they didn’t matter. Our team felt their success, whilst the other team felt their failure. The referee soon whistled for the end of the game and once again the crowd roared, ending the game at two to one. Quickly, me and Penelope made our way down from the bleachers. In the crowd, I lost her. A while later I saw her talking to someone else and I thought he was probably a friend of hers and JJ. Soon, the team came out to join the crowd. Everyone split their ways and went to certain friends. I spotted JJ and she spotted me. We were both ecstatic about their win and thus we hugged. It felt amazing. She was sweaty and partially covered in dirt but none of that mattered. Having her close like this felt right. I never wanted the moment to end but at some point we did and we walked back to campus so she could shower and get ready for tonight.

‘So, at what point were you gonna tell me you are a part of the Prentiss family?’ I froze. _Shit._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: alcohol and drug use

I laughed loudly in her face. ‘You should see your face right now. I wish I could take a picture of it’. 

This last week I got to know Emily Prentiss. At first it was just Emily, but Penelope wanted to dig and I let her. We thought we’d have to do a deep dive, but it actually wasn’t that hard to find her Facebook account. With the knowledge of her last name we got more results for a ton of articles about the family. From praises to ‘scandals’. What I noticed was that her name was barely mentioned, as if she was distancing her from the family name. Her Facebook account was public, but it didn’t look like she was representing the family. She posted stuff like any other student and if we didn’t know her name, you’d think there wasn’t anything special about her.

‘You know, Penelope isn’t just any computer science student, she’s an amazing hacker. But it wasn’t that hard to find your Facebook.’ I could see the redness creeping up her neck.

‘I was gonna tell you, but I liked it when you didn’t know. You saw me as a normal student instead of the “Ambassador’s daughter”.’ She seemed a little sad at me finding out. 

‘Don’t worry about it, I really don’t see you any different. But if you want less people to find out then maybe hide your Facebook account a bit better.’ I reassured her and it’s true. I really don’t care about it. I was a little shocked at finding out, sure, but after the initial shock I realized it really doesn’t matter. 

‘Well, I don’t really expect people to stalk me in the first week I met them.’ It was my turn to turn a bit red. I did feel a little guilty about looking her up immediately. 

‘I’m sorry, it was Pen’s idea, but I didn’t do anything to stop it.’ In the meanwhile we arrived back at our building.

‘Hey, it’s fine, let’s just drop it for now. Besides, I believe you have a party to get ready for. We can’t have you arriving in this state so get your cute little butt in the shower so we can celebrate the win, _captain_.’ I laughed at her comment.

‘Still not official yet, but the odds are looking better now. I’m going to get some things from my room. Are you gonna stay in yours till I’m done? You could wait in mine, Pen will probably be back in a bit and I don’t need that much time honestly.’ At least I think she will be back soon. The last I saw of her was a quick glance that looked like she was talking to one of the frat boys, whose party we were invited to. 

‘I’m quickly going to change into something else. I’ll see if she’s returned when I’m done and wait for you. We had a fun time on the bleachers cheering you on.’ She told me. I’m glad her and Pen are getting along. It makes me more excited for tonight. I didn’t really plan to go too hard tonight, but I’ve also learned that every time I promise myself that, the exact opposite thing happens. I flashed a quick smile as a way of saying goodbye and entered my dorm. I quickly found my way to the showers, stumbled upon a few of my teammates who were in the same ecstatic state and after a nice refreshing shower, I found my way back to my dorm again. Once I entered my dorm, there were two others there, but not the ones I expected. One of them, Pen, I had expected, but instead of Emily, she was sitting with the frat boy I saw her talking to.

‘Oh, hi, where’s Emily?’ Their heads turned towards me

‘I never heard someone knock, didn’t know she was meeting you here.’ Pen told me. 

‘She told me she’d wait here after she changed. Maybe she’s not ready yet. Speaking of changing, do you mind leaving the room, Derek? I’d like to change as well.’ I was still in a robe and I didn’t want to be too late for the party.

‘Of course, I’ll see you ladies at the party.’ He immediately left the room and I dived in my closet. As I started weighing my options, Pen started to ramble to me about the conversation she just had. Occasionally, I let out a noise of agreement, but I barely followed what she was saying. I was almost sure we’re getting sprayed with beer at some point tonight, so I made sure not to grab my newest articles of clothing. After I had gotten fully ready, hair and make-up included, I asked Pen if she was ready and we went on our way to the party. Even in the time I was getting ready, Emily still wasn’t at our dorm, so I first knocked on her door.

‘Em, we’re ready. Are you?’ I heard a bit of rustling inside. 

‘Just grabbing a few things. The door is open.’ I interpreted that as an invitation to come in. When I opened the door, I saw her quickly stuffing some things in a clutch. ‘I’m sorry, it took me a while to get ready. I was being very indecisive over the outfit.’ 

‘Well, you look great.’ I wasn’t lying. Even though she just said she spent a lot of time to decide what she was going to wear, it still looked effortless. Soon, she stood in front of us, ready to go and we went on our way. In the first month of college I haven’t been to a lot of parties yet. During high school we occasionally went to relatively abandoned places and had a couple of drinks with some people from other sports teams. Having experience with drinking was nice before going into college. At college parties you can definitely tell who has experience and who doesn’t. I was glad I didn’t feel like a typical freshman, but the juniors and seniors were still a bit intimidating. When we arrived at the boys’ party house, there already were a few people who got off on a good start, but for the most part it still looked fairly calm, considering the party was still at an early hour. 

‘Ladies welcome to our lovely fraternity, Sigma Rho.’ We were welcomed by Derek. He immediately started pointing at the most important things for tonight. ‘Beer’s in the fridge together with soda’s and the hard stuff’s on the table over there. Please try not to throw up and if that still happens please go to a toilet or go outside. But most importantly, have fun.’ I laughed at him as we entered the house. I soon spotted two of the other boys in the fraternity that I’ve met through various sports activities here.

‘There she is! The hero of our soccer team.’ Luke said to me. I smiled at him and gave both of them a quick hug.

‘So you watched the game?’ I asked them.

‘Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You guys definitely made it an exciting game.’ Matt said.

‘More stressed than exciting, but it all ended well so we’re happy.’ I said. They told me they were happy for me and soon guided us to the kitchen where they kept most of their drinks. After we all picked our drink of choice, Luke and Pen started bickering about each others choices so I made my way out of there and dragged Emily along. More and more people started filling the room. I mainly recognized people from different sports at the college, including some of my teammates. I could quickly tell that Emily wasn’t familiar with the crowd and felt uncomfortable. 

‘You wanna do a shot?’ I asked her. 

‘God, yes.’ I laughed at her desperation. The guys had pretty standard bottles of liquor and our choice for the night was basic: tequila. We downed the liquor and immediately felt the need to twitch my face, not being used to the strong taste. Emily on the other hand looked like she just downed water and looked fine. I could hear her laugh. 

‘Don’t laugh at me.’

‘After a couple months here, you’ll stop pulling faces like that. At least, I hope you do, because you just labeled yourself as a ‘freshman’.’ We went back to the main room where most people were. Some people were dancing, some stayed on the couch sharing a bong. A few guys set up a game of beer pong on the larger table that was in the house. I always got competitive at those games and thus I went over to see if they still needed people to play. I joined one side of the table and I saw Emily get on the other side of the table. I smiled at her, surprised she’d join this game with a bunch of over competitive frat boys (and me). Some of the boys were already too far gone for good coördination, but most of us were already getting fully prepared for an intense game of beer pong. Once everything was started up, I let some of the boys go first, but on the other side Emily was up first with a look of determination. The first few rounds weren’t that exciting, if you missed a cup the first round you either had ‘bad luck’ or threw with so much force, the ball completely missed the goal. After a while it got interesting and both teams were fairly equivalent to each other. At this point everyone, including myself, were missing more than scoring. Eventually our side only had one cup left and the other team still had two standing. Matt got one of the cups on the other side, so we were now even. On the opposite team it was Emily’s turn to throw. Her look of determination mixed with focus grew stronger. She readied her arm in the most efficient position and prepared her throw before she eventually threw it. It landed in our cup which meant we lost. We were definitely disappointed, but it was just a college game of beer pong and I’m sure there were gonna be more games in the future that I’d win. On the other side of the table, the guys lost their minds, they practically screamed and engulfed each other in hugs, including Emily in them who looked too excited about the win to care that she was hugging strange frat guys. I couldn’t stop laughing at them as they treated this win like the most important game of beer pong ever. After they calmed down, I went over to their side. 

‘I have to admit, that was a good throw, Em.’ 

‘So, you aren’t jealous I just beat your ass?’ She asked sarcastically. All it did was make me laugh.

‘Usually I do take the blame for a team’s loss, but right now I’m definitely blaming the drunk frat guys. Including Matt, the guy had some weak throws.’ I made sure to say the last part a little louder as I looked in his direction. He heard me and all I got as a response was a middle finger pointing at me. I just laughed and turned back towards Emily who was smiling at me. ‘You wanna get away from these guys and find a few of the girls from the team to dance with. I promise they’re nice.’ I asked her. She seemed to light up at that suggestion and agreed. I looked over at the large space and saw that it was already filled with a bunch of the girls dancing. I quickly went to the kitchen to see if Pen was still there to ask if she wanted to join. Soon, I saw she was very much involved in what seemed like an intense conversation with a guy I recognized from a few of my Literature classes. He looked like he didn’t belong here and he was probably better off talking to Pen instead of mingling with the rest of the crowd. So I went back and saw Emily already dancing.

‘Where were you? Come dance!’ I believe we were both already in a hazy state. The whole time we were moving along to the sounds of all sorts of songs felt like a foggy memory. Time went by as if it didn’t exist and before I realized it we were dancing around for hours whilst consuming multiple drinks. My senses were completely filled, my head was spinning and the air I was breathing in seemed less and less filled with oxygen. I needed a break, some actual air. On an impulsive decision I went out back without notifying anyone. I was on an adventure on my own. There were people by the backdoor, some were just having a conversation, others were making out. I just ignored them and went outside. I sat down ate the edge of the wooden patio, feet in the grass and a half-empty beer bottle in my hand. I took a deep breath and I instantly felt relieved. I heard faint noises from inside and a distant bass from the music, but it was a close to silence I was gonna get. I heard the door behind me creak, indicating someone opened it.

‘You alright?’ I heard a familiar voice. I laughed slightly by letting out a puff of air through my nose.

‘Yeah, I’m fine, Em. Just needed a bit of fresh air.’ I felt her presence beside me as she sat next to me. We sat in silence for a little while, occasionally taking a sip from the bottle of lukewarm beer. I heard some rustling beside me. She was looking for something in the clutch she brought. I looked at her searching out of curiosity. I thought she pulled out a cigarette, but after getting a better look I saw she pulled out a blunt. 

‘Wanna share?’ She asked blatantly. My eyes widened at her suggestion.

‘I- I’ve never tried it.’ 

‘That’s fine. I won’t push you if you don’t want to, but you’re welcome to try it.’ She lit it up and after she took a couple of drags from it, I could smell the scent that it gave off. The kids at my high school that smoked weed were the outcasts. I never affiliated with them, so I was never even offered a drag nor had I felt the need to try it. But right now with the scent filling my nostrils, I felt the urge to try it. It wasn’t just the smell. It was Emily as well who made smoking look so calm and _cool_. I knew I wasn’t fully thinking straight with the amount of alcohol that was affecting my thought process, but after a while of contemplating, I asked.

‘Can I try?’ She looked at me surprised but after her initial surprised reaction she smiled.

‘Of course.’ She handed me the blunt. I already felt weird holding it between my fingertips. ‘Just breathe in the smoke, remove the blunt from your lips and breathe in again. It’s gonna feel like a weird sensation and don’t be embarrassed when you cough. It happens.’ Normally I am highly uncomfortable trying new things in front of people I barely knew, let alone try drugs, but I felt comfortable with her. Maybe it was because of the alcohol in my body and the surge of confidence that came with it. I did my best to follow her instructions. I felt the smoke entering my lungs. I wasn’t used to this feeling and my lungs protested. I tried my best to keep the coughing to a minimum but that seemed to make it worse. I laughed at myself and took a swing of my beer to hopefully calm myself down. I was fine in a bit, but I handed the blunt back to Emily. We took a couple of different turns with it and the urge to cough declined gradually for me. 

‘You seem to be popular with the frat boys.’ She stated out of nowhere. I was taken aback, but for some reason I started laughing.

‘Yeah I guess so, they’re funny but they’re way too much. I see them more as bro’s than guys I could possibly be attracted to.’

‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ She asked me. I didn’t mind the question. There really wasn’t anything to hide.

‘In high school, but before we took off for college we broke up because we both agreed that long distance wouldn’t work. He stayed in Pennsylvania and there was no way I was going to stay there, I had to get out.’ 

‘Ah, she’s a country girl.’ The comment made me laugh.

‘Sort of. And you? Are there any boys in your life?’ It was only fair I asked her a similar question. 

‘Well, I don’t exactly play for that team, if you know what I mean.’ In this hazy state it actually took me a while to realize what she meant. When realization did hit, I felt my eyes widen again.

‘Oh.’ I panicked. ‘I didn’t realize- I didn’t mean to uh-.’ I was cut off by laughter.

‘It’s fine, I’ve shocked more people with that info. Sometimes I don’t know how to make it any clearer, but people still manage to ignore the hints.’ After that I didn’t really know what to say. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but there just didn’t seem to be a coherent thought in my head. All I could think about was imagining her with a girl. It never crossed my mind that she was into _girls. Does she see me different than I initially thought._

‘I’ve never been with a girl.’ I blurted out. I don’t now where that came from. It could’ve been the alcohol, the drugs or really just my own mind like it was a Freudian slip. 

‘Would you ever like to be?’ I internally freaked out over the question. It wasn’t a subject I’d ever thought much about. 

‘I don’t know… I’ve never really given it much thought. I don’t think I would freak out if I got a crush on a girl.’ In high school I was the picture perfect student and I never dared to do anything to break that stigma, but now in college, where no one knew me, I had opportunities to explore. 

‘Here’s an opportunity. What if I kissed you so you can decide if you like it or not. No pressure and it doesn’t have to mean anything. I’m just helping you out.’ I weighed my options. It wasn’t that much of a bad idea, right? It doesn’t have to mean anything and I can just have this question in my head answered immediately. Not everyone gets a chance like this, so I should take it, I think…

‘I- I think that sounds… fine.’ We were already sitting pretty close, but I felt her move closer to me. My head was racing and nerves were coursing through my body. I looked at her and saw her looking at me before her eyes went lower towards my lips. She leaned more and more towards me, but she never fully closed the space. I knew in that moment that she wanted to leave that up to me, to make sure I was really okay with it. I was and thus moved the last bit forward until our lips met. It felt electrifying. My entire body came alive as our lips moved against each other. It was a sensation I had never experienced. She was soft. I moved my hand to her cheek to feel more of her soft skin. One of her hands moved to my neck and the other I felt moving to my waist. I was lost and every sense of time that I had was gone in this moment. At one point, I felt her tongue move against my lip. It was her way of asking for entrance and I let her. She found mine and we moved against each other. We were caught up in such a blissful moment. My lungs were yearning for oxygen but I ignored it for as long as I could until I felt like I was going to pass out. I pulled away and looked in her darkened eyes while trying to catch my breath.

‘So, what do you think?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I like to leave you hanging

**Author's Note:**

> sorry to keep you hanging, i'll update asap


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